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Jokes about Relationships :-

  • I asked a friend what he was working on. He told me, he is working on aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel in a constrained environment. I was impressed. On further probing I learnt that he is washing dishes in hot water ... under his wife's supervision !

  • My friend's dyslexic boyfriend had a sex manual. She was lying there, and he was looking for her vinegar.

  • My wife asked if I had seen the dog bowl. I said that I didn't know he played cricket !

  • The wedding was so beautiful.... even the cake was in tiers.

  • My last girlfriend was always trying to put me down, that's just one of the hazards of dating a vet.

  • I was trying to persuade my girlfriend to stimulate me with her key-ring, but she just keeps fobbing me off.

  • My girlfriend's dog died so to cheer her up, I got an identical one. She was livid: "What am I going to do with two dead dogs ?"

  • My ex-partner just couldn't accept my obsession with horoscopes. In the end, it Taurus apart.

  • My girlfriend left a note on my laptop today. My heart stopped beating because it said "This isn't working". Imagine my relief when I turned it on and it worked just fine.

  • I made a graph of all my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

  • I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either.

  • I asked my wife to rate my listening skills, and she said "You're an 8 on a scale of 10." - Really don't understand why they told me to urinate on a skeleton.

  • I received a letter from Screwfix thanking me for my inquiry and informing me that they are not a dating agency.

  • My wife calls me Spider-Man ... because I can't get out of the bath unassisted.

  • A young lady walks into a supermarket. On her way round she sees the man who'd had his way with her the previous evening, after they had met in a club. He was stacking washing powder boxes on the shelves. "You lying git !" she shouts, "last night you told me you were a stunt pilot !". "No," he says, "I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team."

  • I asked my wife what women really want & she said "attentive lovers" or maybe it was "a tent of lovers" I wasn't really listening.

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